Jellybean was a wax statue

and she was a beautiful, animated, theatrical wax statue...

 Meet the fabulous Harriet Quimby...

And her "parents"...my grandparents who played a supporting role in the wax statue star's shining moment.

Memories of sweet, sweet ducklings

Here is Moby Duck and Webster...

The ducklings that Bug's Grade 3 class raised and released into Memorial Gardens.

Snuggly, Cuddly, Loveable ducklings...

who even napped with the kids and who even peed on one of the sleeping beauties... hee hee

Joy in every day

My life is full...

full schedule

full days

full of joy

full of life

full of adventure

 full of wonderful people

full of hiding

full of wounds

Restoration is right

Sometimes, in life, we get in the way of our own destiny; our stubborness and hard heartedness create wedges between what should be and what we think needs to be. We decide if or when we are willing to be teachable, bendable...and if we think something is worth fighting for or railing agianst. 

You know it's true...human nature...think Beastie Boys and "You've Gotta Fight For the Right..." mentality. We all think we are entitiled to {insert whatever here}. Smokers think they should have the right to smoke wherever they want. Non-smokers think smokers have no right to smoke any where so they can have their right to fresh air no matter where they are. Each side rails against the other. The examples, really, are as endless as our very own diversities.

5 years ago we met a lady and her 6 children. She and her husband we in the tangles on on again and off again. There was anger, resentment, frustrations and walls put up with no desire on either side to reconcile.  Divorce was not just spoken; it was made reality.

That was then...

and this is now...

5 years of fighting for and ...

Became.

5 years of standing firm...

Became.

Restoration is right...

Train Whistles Blowing Create a Long, Lonely Sound

I have, over time and circumstances, allowed wedges to be driven between me and my children. I have had expectations put on me and if I don't meet them, I find myself in the midst of hours long lectures and drug into meeting after meeting at "the church" to modify my behaviour. Being continually beat down like that caused me to put up walls with everyone, including my kids, and I held them close but at just enough of a distance that they weren't pulled in as close as they could have been. (I'm just being transparent here). As a mom, there have been hurts and I think I just shoved them down and smiled like all was well...all while holding my children close enough that they knew how much I love them but not close enough that I could be hurt by them to the most possible depths. (not entirely logical is it?)

I know I need to soften those walls. I need my babies as much as they need me...I'm just completely afraid of facing the rejection again...

Tonight, I lay down on the top of Bug's blankets as he struggled to sleep and began to rub his forehead. The instant I began to rub his forehead, I began to sing some of the songs my children loved to hear when I would tuck them in. I cried as I struggled to remember the words to one of those songs, as I thought of lost moments...

The thing with revelation is you have a choice...stay where you have been or move to where you should be. I choose to move to where I should be...to lessen the gap that I have put between my children and I.

Do you know how I started?

"Train whistles blowing
Make a sleepy noise
Underneath their blankets,
Go all the girls and boys
Rocking, roling, riding
Out along the bay
All bound for morning town
Many miles away
Somewhere there is sunshine
Somewhere there is day
Somewhere there's a morning town
Many miles away
Jellybean's at the engine
Rush rings the bell
Bug swings the lantern
To show that all is well
Somewhere there is sunshine
Somewhere there is day
Somewhere there's a morning town
Many miles away"

We made the song ours by inserting our names...and tonight, I made it ours again...somewhere there is sunshine and I found that place the moment I let the son shine on that darkness and fill it with transcendent light!

Ambushed and bamboozled

That is what I feel happened to me during the first half of the course I am taking. I had no idea what to expect...content wise, expectation wise, exam wise... Most weeks I was a single mother as B.D. was away with work for weeks at a time. I ran with kids here and there,got them home and to bed and then studied into the morning, got a few hours sleep and one day looped into the next just the very same. Things fell apart here. Fast food meals were purchased more than not, laundry was neglected until volcanic mountains of laundry erupted, spewing forth from our rooms, papers were not dealt with, they were simply piled and groceries were not bought as they should be - a bread/milk run here and there. Stress levels escalated...primarily mine. I am in clean up phase one of recovery while waiting for my second half to begin. I am also much more equipped to prepare for the second half. I know what to expect. I will be ready. Prepared. I think I know how to make the conclusion better...I at least know where to start. My last post divulges that information...I will seize the moments and not let them seize me...